How I changed my life to find happiness
Sometimes the pursuit of one’s career can take you on a path you may think is completely wrong until sudden signs appear showing you that indeed you are on the ‘right’ path. You might experience a dejavu or times when you know exactly what someone is going to say. Often times just when I think my life has gone astray I will have the most reaffirming moments. These times in my life has been so confusing and awful sometimes that I doubted I would ever get what I want.
Ever since I was a kid I always thought I didn’t belong, that I was part of the wrong family, born in the wrong country. Something just never made sense to me. There was something inside me that was different then everyone else. I never understood kids my own age. I never had friends. I always hung out with adults and watched David Suzuki. I was fascinated by lost cities and amazon adventures. I dreamt of far away lands and about things i’ve only heard of on TV. I never wanted to be a part of my reality, for me it was living a lie. As I grew older I found a sense of freedom looking at travel brochures and fantasizing about being the surfer girl on the beach. The girl who looked so happy and free. I wanted to live a life of blue oceans, palm trees and beach fires. I wanted to be free. All through school I never really had any goals. I tried to be like the boys snowboarding and wake boarding. When I started doing these sports there were hardly and girls. I remember there were like 5 of us in a sea of boys. Not such a bad thing because we learned to be tough and fast. These were good training grounds for my later life.
After high school I took my first vacation to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I was mesmerized by all the people living there from North America working at various jobs and partying. I was convinced this was the path to were I wanted to be. When I got home I began working on a series of things that would get me there ,until one day my aunt told me that my dreams were not real life and I needed to grow up, get a job, a mortgage and a husband. Not long after that I married, made a career and got a mortgage. I tried to pretend to be something I was not. I lived the life everyone said I was supposed to but I had never felt so alone.
Shortly after my divorce I traveled South America in search of my soul. Months into my trip I discovered a place that made me feel whole. A place where I felt I belonged. I did not know why but I stayed there for a year and a half, learned to kite surf and became that girl in the pictures. I’d never felt so alive, so free.
Now, my life is spent trying to keep up with my dreams, to not go back to the life I so once hated. This road has been a bumpy one and i’ve had to give up absolutely everything in order to live it but I would not change it. I once gave up and tried to go back to a “normal” life. After about 2 1/2 months I thought I was going crazy. That life is not for me. I don’t know how to live it. I never did. When I say kitesurfing, traveling and freedom is in our soul, I really believe that. I’ve always been this person I am today, I just didn’t know how to do it.
I wish school would have taught us about who we are instead of what we are supposed to be. I wish we were given the skills and knowledge to chase our dreams. As we enter the world in our teens we are really clueless as to what our options are. We do not feel it’s acceptable to be what we want to be. If I have any advise to give it’s this. Don’t wait until your 30’s like me to discover yourself. Don’t get sucked into a life that is not right for you. If you dream is to work at subway then just be the best subway artist you can be. Life is too short. If you want to read more about my journey to freedom read this article: Kitesurfing Love Affair with Jessica Winkler