Where do we see the light, the colour, the detail? How do we put them all together? From artists to , to dancers, to players. We all have an art. We see the world in our own eyes. We live it in our own way. Each one of us has the ability to showcase our designs whether it be on the water or on the stage we all have our fantasies.
When I was a child I was convinced I didn’t have a talented bone in my body. I wasn’t particularly good at anything. I know people look at me and think I was one of those star athlete kids but nothing could be further from the truth. I was so embarrassed by my lack of co-ordination in school I was relieved when I got mono in grade 9 and was excused from gym class for the remainder of that year and the follow year too. I hated team sports and running around playing games until I discovered snowboarding.
Snowboarding to me was an outlet. An outlet from my life. My life was not an easy one. My mom was divorced and my little brother lived with his dad. I spent most of the time alone. Tormented by the process of growing up I turned to smoking weed and drinking which helped me make a place for myself. A place where I belonged. I went up to the mountain as much as possible. I loved the sense of freedom I got when gliding down the slopes on carpets of freshly laid powder. It became my obsession. Riding is what I lived for. I felt like a bird looking back from the chair lift to the cloud forest settling in-between the crevices of the mountains, up here nothing mattered. The better you rode, the cooler you were. The latest trends were easily stolen from the local ski shop and if you were good enough the hash smoking hide out was well hidden off the powder chair. Life was great up here. Part of a crowd of rebels and if you were included it gave you a name. At that time snowboarding was still new and few girls were doing it. You could count on one hand the number of girls that first year. We kept up to the boys, didn’t fuss and learned to take a beating on the run. This is where my obsessions came form.
10 years later after riding 30 – 40 days a season I became bored. I rode all i’ve ever wanted and after dropping a fresh deep line in France on my own I decided to look for a new sport. I tried many different avenues of sport and I was down to white water kayaking or kite surfing. These were the only two things I thought would give me the adrenalin rush I was looking for.
The first time I saw kite surfing I was mesmerized. These men were defying the laws of gravity with speed. I liked it. Dangerous, colourful like dancers spinning on ice. I felt like I was a child watching Disney on Ice and I wanted to be Snow White. The was back in 2003 and gear was still unsafe. The way I learned about it was from a guy wearing a t-shirt of smashed up skull. I asked him what it was and he told me how he was slammed into a cliff by a gust of wind while kite surfing and I knew I had to see this sport. Over the next 5 years every time it was windy I would drive down to the beach and watch these crazy few guys ride.
It wasn’t until I traveled to South America did I learn to kite myself. I was 29, newly divorced and on the trip of my life. Eventually I ended up falling in love with the sport as I knew I would. I ended up living, riding and working in Jericoacoara, Brazil for a couple of years before embarking upon opening my own school in Nicaragua.
Currently you can find me working on building Nicaragua’s first kite surfing resort on Lake Nicaragua. The 19th largest lake in the world with 330 days of year of wind.
For more information on Amayo Kite Beach contact me at email@example.com
After my last blog post I received questions about how I did it. What did I do to step out of the box. Look everyone has their own path in life and what works for one person will not work for another but i’ll share my story with you in hopes it will help you discover yours.
I got married young and worked really hard to achieve everything in life that would in turn give me the freedom to travel. I was told that once you are financially stable then you go out and experience the world, so that is exactly what I did. Once I achieved economic and social success I fell into a deep depression. I started drinking a lot to surpress my feelings. I was only 26 at the time and most people my age were just finishing University, single and looking for a ‘real’ job. I felt so alone in my thoughts. Everyone was always telling me how I had the ‘perfect’ life. I had a good career, a fireman husband, a house, an investment condo, a new car, a motor bike……. I had everything but I was totally miserable. the only thing I could do to not start a heavy dose of anti-depresents was to start changing my life.
First thing I did was get a dog and started walking 2 hours a day. I needed time to think. I needed time to rediscover who I was. Day after day I opened up the box of where I put my heart and my dreams. I dug deep to find my desires, my childhood goals. After quite some time I found me. The girl who wants to be on the beach, laughing and hanging out by the fire with friends. After all this time she was still there with the same intensity. She never went away. I couldn’t out grow her, so I embraced her.
The second thing I did was apply for various jobs within the travel industry so I could spend my time talking about what I loved. I ended up getting a job as a travel agent which was the start to the best thing that could have happened to me. My days were filled with learning about the wonders of the world and helping others find their own journey. For the first time ever I started to feel like home. People working in the industry were the same as me. We all had that similar burning desire to escape. Putting myself in an environment that harnessed my desires instead of supressed them. In an invironment where I who I was is normal and I didn’t have to feel like the black sheep all the time. I began become more confident in who I was and knew that my new friends would support me in whatever I decided to do in life. I remembered my greatest desire as a child was to go to the amazon like Jacques-Yves Cousteau so when I saw the opportunity come up to join an experimental tour down the river I just about jumped out of my skin. It was stiff competition with only room for 19 agents in the whole world to join. I applied. I was denied. I applied again. I begged. I was denied again. I drank. One month later I was sitting alone watching TV when I got a feeling to apply one more time, so I did. It was a Sunday night 3 weeks before the tour was to leave and I had nothing to lose. The next day at work I got a call and I was in. There was a last minute cancellation and they picked me to join.
Peru was incredible, everything I dreamt it would be. I was blessed enough to go deep into the jungle because it was pre-tourism season and the water was at 22 feet. The moment I was playing soccer on the edge of the river with a tribe of people who very rarely see white people I felt it. I finally caught up to me. I joined my soul. I was there. From that moment on I could experience my life. I knew who I was and what I wanted. I would never again be the same person. When you get the opportunity to stand in the middle of where you have always wanted to be it is a magical moment. I felt like a 5 year old girl sitting on the floor 2 inches from the TV watching the nature of things with David Suzuki. God if he only knew he would have been so proud or so I felt.
When I got home I went for a weekend get away with my husband. We got to talking about my trip and my upcoming trip to Ireland. I ended up being very successful as an agent and was invited to the global ball in Dublin. During this discussion he turns and says to me “After this trip, no more traveling for you” This was the deciding factor for me. A week later I left my husband. It was the scariest thing i’ve ever done. I lost my home, my friends, my husband, everything. I drank. A lot. I ended up selling my house and doing what i’ve always wanted to do. I booked a 5 month tour around all of South America. 3 months later I was on a plane and a journey to the rest of my life.
Sometimes the pursuit of one’s career can take you on a path you may think is completely wrong until sudden signs appear showing you that indeed you are on the ‘right’ path. You might experience a dejavu or times when you know exactly what someone is going to say. Often times just when I think my life has gone astray I will have the most reaffirming moments. These times in my life has been so confusing and awful sometimes that I doubted I would ever get what I want.
Ever since I was a kid I always thought I didn’t belong, that I was part of the wrong family, born in the wrong country. Something just never made sense to me. There was something inside me that was different then everyone else. I never understood kids my own age. I never had friends. I always hung out with adults and watched David Suzuki. I was fascinated by lost cities and amazon adventures. I dreamt of far away lands and about things i’ve only heard of on TV. I never wanted to be a part of my reality, for me it was living a lie. As I grew older I found a sense of freedom looking at travel brochures and fantasizing about being the surfer girl on the beach. The girl who looked so happy and free. I wanted to live a life of blue oceans, palm trees and beach fires. I wanted to be free. All through school I never really had any goals. I tried to be like the boys snowboarding and wake boarding. When I started doing these sports there were hardly and girls. I remember there were like 5 of us in a sea of boys. Not such a bad thing because we learned to be tough and fast. These were good training grounds for my later life.
After high school I took my first vacation to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I was mesmerized by all the people living there from North America working at various jobs and partying. I was convinced this was the path to were I wanted to be. When I got home I began working on a series of things that would get me there ,until one day my aunt told me that my dreams were not real life and I needed to grow up, get a job, a mortgage and a husband. Not long after that I married, made a career and got a mortgage. I tried to pretend to be something I was not. I lived the life everyone said I was supposed to but I had never felt so alone.
Shortly after my divorce I traveled South America in search of my soul. Months into my trip I discovered a place that made me feel whole. A place where I felt I belonged. I did not know why but I stayed there for a year and a half, learned to kite surf and became that girl in the pictures. I’d never felt so alive, so free.
Now, my life is spent trying to keep up with my dreams, to not go back to the life I so once hated. This road has been a bumpy one and i’ve had to give up absolutely everything in order to live it but I would not change it. I once gave up and tried to go back to a “normal” life. After about 2 1/2 months I thought I was going crazy. That life is not for me. I don’t know how to live it. I never did. When I say kitesurfing, traveling and freedom is in our soul, I really believe that. I’ve always been this person I am today, I just didn’t know how to do it.
I wish school would have taught us about who we are instead of what we are supposed to be. I wish we were given the skills and knowledge to chase our dreams. As we enter the world in our teens we are really clueless as to what our options are. We do not feel it’s acceptable to be what we want to be. If I have any advise to give it’s this. Don’t wait until your 30’s like me to discover yourself. Don’t get sucked into a life that is not right for you. If you dream is to work at subway then just be the best subway artist you can be. Life is too short. If you want to read more about my journey to freedom read this article: Kitesurfing Love Affair with Jessica Winkler